As I returned a purchase in a shopping center on a particularly cold Sunday, an extraordinary thing occurred: A flock of pigeons came running up to me in the parking lot as if it were 1964, I were the Beatles and they were a gaggle of teenage girls. One “fan” even aggressively perched on my car roof.
For a moment I was reminded of Tippi Hedren in Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds,” but only for a moment. Extricating myself and securing the car, I returned the merchandise, wandering around the store a bit. Poor things, I thought of the birds. They were probably only looking for some crumbs. But with several eateries in the center, I was sure they wouldn’t go hungry.
When I returned to the parking lot, the birds were gathered around another car and driver, with a lot more of them perched on his roof. (Adulation is so fickle.) That’s when I realized in Sherlock Holmesian fashion that they were not looking just for food. They had figured out that each new car that arrived offered momentary warmth against a cold, mostly open space.
Nature is so smart. Human nature, not so much. Witness, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Exhibit A — the Republican caucuses and primaries. The field has winnowed, in Agatha Christie-style, to two — former President Donald J. Trump and his former United Nations Ambassador Nikki Haley now that Flordia Gov. Ron DeSantis has dropped out.
Was it only a short election ago when DeSantis was DeFuture (aw, New York Post) and Trump DePast. Now having bled money and people, DeSantis is DeToast, and not of the town. Always gracious, he blamed his troubles on the circle-the-wagons sympathy Trump got for being indicted so many times, not on the mean-spiritedness that has characterized virtually ever utterance from his mouth to say nothing of the mind-boggling ineptitude of some of his business decisions, such as messing with the Mouse (Disney). If his campaign were any indication, the national debt under a President DeSantis would be measured in gazillions.
No one was happier at DeSantis’ comeuppance than archenemy California Gov. Gavin Newsom. who tweeted on X — where DeSantis launched his presidential bid with Elon Musk, which should’ve told you something there — that there was a fire sale on Ron DeSantis merch.
In contrast, no one was probably sadder than Casey DeSantis, the governor’s wife and political partner. A kind of latter-day Emma Bovary, except without Gustave Flaubert’s sharply observed prose, she clearly had her sights set on flying the drab, brown Tallahassee coup for the White House’s gilded cage, with the Jackie/Melania pastel cape dresses to boot. Of course, there was more to Jackie than swanning about in couture. Rather, she used her clothes fo further her charismatic husband’s idealistic, inclusive agenda.
Perhaps Casey DeSantis more closely resembles Rosalyn Carter in this sense and this sense only: She is.said to be the better politician in the family. When she was about to marry DeSantis, she reportedly told him to wear his Navy dress uniform rather than a tuxedo for the wedding — a politically astute move. Clothes, power and the power of clothes. Now the once and maybe future power couple are for the present all dressed up with no place to go.
That leaves Haley — who lost the New Hamphire primary to Trump Tuesday, Jan. 23, but has vowed to fight on — as the last woman standing. There’s something appealing about her stilettos primed to dig into Trump, women being a Trumpian Achilles heel. But the problem is that she and the other Republicans — with the exception of former Govs. Chris Christie and, in a milder way, Asa Hutchinson — have never actually taken on Trump. Like a schoolmarm teaching a bunch of bored students the obvious, Haley keeps saying that “chaos follows him.” That’s a compliment to Trump. He loves being a chaos agent, and his base counts on it.
The question is, What is she going to do about it? In her New Hampshire concession speech, she went on the offensive, making the case that a vote for Trump is ultimately a win for President Joe Biden and a subsequent Kamala Harris presidency. (So much for sisterhood, but I suppose there’s no reason a woman should support another woman just because they’re both female.)
DeSantis — who can be so cruel and arrogant toward others but has only been mildly critical of Trump, who savaged him — has also said Trump can’t win the general. His endorsement of Trump was less than ringing, and he followed it with a tweet that put the kibosh on a Florida state legislature plan to — get this — help Trump pay his taxes. I don’t think DeSantis is going to do much stomping for Trump. Still, he signed the pledge to endorse the ultimate nominee and has already gotten sullenly behind him. Will Haley eventually do the same?
The thing is, those pigeons knew when it was time to move on. The Republicans, too scared of the MAGA mob even as they hope to channel it, never will.