Royal wedding afterglow did not last too long for America. No sooner was the ring on the finger of Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, than President Donald J. Trumpet was demanding a special prosecutor investigate alleged FBI spying on his campaign. To which Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein – who often has to play the role of soothing Donnie whisperer – said he would refer the matter to the Inspector General – which is what you do when you want to placate people whom you think have no real ax to grind.

Not that Donnie is going to let go of this one. One of the surest ways to divert attention from an ongoing investigation into alleged wrongdoings on your part is to put up a smokescreen announcing that someone else needs to be investigated. Such a diversion from the Mueller investigation would also distract from the real problems of the moment, which include, in no special order, the broken Iran agreement, the waffling on a China trade deal, the lack of movement on an infrastructure package, continued gun violence in our nation’s schools and, oh, yes, some pretty heavy-duty backpedaling on a summit with North Korea now that Trumpet has figured out what any of his predecessors could’ve told him: Kim Jong-un is not going to give away the keys to the North Korean store for the sake of an arms deal.

We could’ve told Trumpet also to play it cool but, no, he had to come out blazing in an effort to show everyone up. Now he’s in real danger of looking like the rank amateur he is.

Amazingly, not all of this is Donnie Two Scoops’ fault. Speaker “Paulie PowerPoint” Ryan has been doing a hell of a job obfuscating in the House of Representatives. Paulie’s been so frustrated with the Repubbies’ Conservatives – holding up a farm bill until they get their day on immigration – that he used salty language, including the word “crap.” Wow, stop the presses.

Look, Paulie isn’t passionate about anything but himself. He can talk all he wants about the complexity of immigration reform, but we all know that he wants to kick that can down the road as long as he can, because immigration reform is the new third rail of American politics. Ideally, he’d like to get past the midterm elections before tackling immigration, if at all – to the chagrin of the Cons.

Meanwhile, Donnie demands and demands. But to quote that line from the Patsy Cline flick “Sweet Dreams”: “People in hell want ice water, that don’t mean they get it.”