New Jersey’s Island Beach State Park, site of some recent controversial moves by Gov. Chris Christie, is once again open for business. Happy Fourth and Summer, everybody.
Too, too funny: Back in the day when Gov. Krispy Kreme, er, Chris Christie was my CPWB (Chief Pretend Weekday Boyfriend), I would fantasize about my love gov and me “under the boardwalk, down by the sea,” the waves of the Jersey Shore caressing us with their Aphrodite-ish foam as we embraced like Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr in “From Here to Eternity” – OK, more like two beached whales – to the soundtrack of Bruce Springsteen’s “Thunder Road.”
Now, it has all come true. Sort of.
This year’s comic Fourth of July break from America’s troubles comes courtesy of Christie’s latest “gate.” There was Bridgegate, in which he had nothing – absolutely, positively nothing – to do with a George Washington Bridge bottleneck to avenge himself allegedly on less than cooperative Fort Lee, N.J. Mayor Mark Sokolich. Now there is Beachgate, in which Christie shut state beaches and parks – just as July 4 revelers could almost scent the tang of saltwater – because he and Democratic state lawmakers were at a budget impasse. (That ended Monday, conveniently just in time for the Fourth of July holiday.)
But the damage was done. Those who had a long weekend or a vacation starting or ending found their plans scuttled. Worse, in an arrogant, clueless moment worthy of the ill-fated French Bourbon dynasty, Christie was photographed by Andrew Mills of The Star-Ledger en famille at a governor’s residence on Island Beach, whose state park was one of the ones that had been closed by the governor’s order. Let’s just say that when you are tubby – ah, there was once so much for me to love – being photographed from the knees up as you are seated in shorts is not a good look or angle.
Ah, but when Alexandrian leadership is lacking – you know, leadership from the frigging front – creativity rushes in. Christie’s time on an empty stretch of sand that stood in sharp contrast to thronging municipal beaches was the photo op that launched a thousand memes, including my “From Here to Eternity” fantasy. Somehow I never imagined it would be like this.
I just hope this is a lesson to my current CPWB, Gov. John Kasich of Ohio. At least, he’s battling to keep Medicaid.
And I suppose I should be grateful that Ohio is a landlocked state.