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Of deflated balls, exposed appendages and concealed identities

March 6, 2016

It’s been a great week for news – sporting and otherwise – of the games men play.

First, it’s ba-aaack – Deflategate that is. You will recall that last September, federal court Judge Richard M. Berman ruled that the NFL had overstepped its bounds in its arbitration of Tom Brady’s four-game suspension for allegedly masterminding the deflation of footballs in the New England Patriots’ 2015 A.F.C. Championship win over the Indianapolis Colts.

Now a three-judge panel for the United States Court of Appeals, Second Circuit, has said, Not so fast. Taking a view similar to my own from the start of this delicious story, the panel seems less interested in the NFL’s triple role as judge, enforcer of punishments and arbitrator of appeals – a strange trifecta that would automatically make the league vulnerable to the charge of overstepping by the Players’ Union – than it is in the cover-up that always trips you up. To wit: What of Brady’s destroyed cell phone that might’ve contained incriminating information about his altered balls? ...

Pete Carroll, Brian Williams and why smart people do dumb things

February 8, 2015

Well, last week was an extraordinary one for stupid career moves, wasn’t it?

It began with the Seattle Seahawks snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. All quarterback Russell Wilson had to do was hand the ball to running back Marshawn “I’m here so I don’t get fined” Lynch, kick him in the butt, pushing him into the end zone, and yell, “Oops, touchdown!” But no, no, that wasn’t good enough for Coach Pete Carroll and company. Hey, Niners’ fan here: I’m delighted the Hawks lost. The only thing that would’ve made me happier was if the New England Patriots had lost as well. Still, I’m a greater fan of intelligence, and if you’re one of those, it was a depressing moment.

More disappointment, however, was to come at the end of the week with the discovery for many of us that NBC anchor Brian Williams had aggrandized the danger he faced when reporting on the Iraq War. Yeah, ’cause there’s no video trail for that, right? ...

Days of reckoning for Pats, Fedal

January 27, 2015

I’ve been so busy charting the farce that is Deflate-gate – a narrative that keeps on giving – that I forgot all about Rafa’s and Feddy’s balls, or lack thereof, at the Australian Open. They’re both out, with Rafa falling most recently in the quarterfinals to Tomas Berdych in straight sets.

Is it all over for Fedal? Possibly but Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer singly will go on, injuries notwithstanding.

Meanwhile, it was Media Day, which brings out the loonies during Super Bowl Week. (Think sporting event plus Mardi Gras/Halloween/Comic Con.) The arrogance just dripped as Bill Belicheck refused to answer any more questions about squishy balls, and Seattle Seahawks’ running back Marshawn Lynch, who refuses to talk with the press, simply repeated, “I’m here so I won’t get fined.”

One person who’s been happy to talk is New England Patriots’ owner Robert Kraft, who’s demanding an apology from the NFL if its investigation finds the Pats had nothing to do with the 11 deflated balls they played with in the first half of their victory over the Indianapolis Colts in the A.F.C. Championship game. This as the investigation zeroes in on a “person of interest,” a Pats’ locker room attendant who was alone with the balls in a locked room for 90 seconds after they were certified by officials. (Maybe he just wanted a quiet moment with them.) ...

Belichick for the defense

January 26, 2015

Boy, you gotta hand it to Bill Belichick. Operating under an assumption that guides many coaches – that the best defense is a good offense – the Terse One held an impromptu news conference to reveal that the New England Patriots had conducted their own investigation into Deflate-gate, no doubt in an attempt to seize control of the narrative.

And guess what? The Pats have found that when you leave footballs on the field in cold, wet weather, yep, they deflate.

There you have it – an act of God, who has yet to hold his press conference or inform us of the results of his own investigation.

Good attempt to cut us off at the pass, Bill. But no first down.

If atmospheric conditions during the A.F.C. Championship game were the cause, then why didn’t the Colts’ balls deflate as well?

Belichick opined that he is no scientist or expert on footballs. But, he added, "at no time was there any intent whatsoever to try to compromise the integrity of the game.”

OK, let’s pause for a pet peeve – the misuse of the word “integrity.” ...

You gotta have balls to play in the NFL

January 24, 2015

Goodness, we’ve certainly learned a lot about balls these past few days.

We’ve learned that there are squishy balls and hard balls. We’ve learned that there are balls that are mysteriously underinflated and balls that are purposely overinflated in an attempt to sneak one by the refs.

We’ve learned who has possession of the balls. But what we haven’t learned is who might’ve touched the balls while those who have them weren’t looking.

Whoever it was, it wasn’t Bill Belly-check and Tommy Brady. We know it wasn’t them, because they told us so in a press conference that needn’t wait for a “SNL” parody. It was a “Saturday Night Live” skit unto itself, right down to the bad hairstyles (Belly-check) and even more egregious hats (Tommy).

In a world in which the NFL has been in deep denial of its three Ds – dementia, domestic violence and drugs – the continuing saga of the deflated balls that the New England Patriots used in its winning A.F.C. Championship game against the Indianapolis Colts seems a thin story line. Except for the fact that the story line keeps circling back to its deniers, suggests Tim Hasselbeck, a former NFL quarterback who was a Patriots’ ball boy during high school:

“The balls were evaluated at halftime and the only reason you do that is there is some concern,” Hasselbeck told The Times. “If the balls were O.K. before the game but not by halftime, and it was only New England’s balls that were suspect, then obviously something happened to the balls between the initial inspection and the second half….

A season in hell for the NFL

January 23, 2015

A year that began badly is ending badly for the NFL. It’s a cliché to say that there are no winners here, but there are no winners here, just liars, cheaters, abusers and deniers.

It’s fitting that the Baltimore Ravens should be the ones to tip off the Indianapolis Colts to the New England Patriots’ use of deflated footballs, which makes it easier for the quarterback to grip the ball and the receivers to catch it. The Ravens, after all, are the people who gave us two troubled Rays – Lewis, who pled guilty to obstruction of justice in the fatal stabbing of two men; and Rice, who coldcocked his fiancée in an Atlantic City elevator, setting the year of crisis in motion. (The Ravens also win the award for tweet of the year when they had Mrs. Rice say she was very sorry for her part in being coldcocked by her husband.)

Bitter losers and no lovers of the Patriots, the Ravens seemed only too happy to pass along knowledge of the Pats’ cheating ways to the Colts. But the Ravens aren’t to blame here anymore than the Adderall-using Seattle Seahawks are or Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers is. Rodgers, to borrow from his State Farm Discount Double Check commercials, likes to pump (clap) footballs up. Which begs the question: Was someone on the Pats trying to achieve yogic balance by deflating theirs?

Several wrongs cannot make a right. The only questions that really matter in this Nixonian narrative is, What did the Patriots know, and when did they know it? ...

Of inflation – over and under – in the NFL

January 22, 2015

Well, it looks like we’re all set for a Super Duper Bowl between the deflated (literally) New England Patriots and the inflated (metaphorically) Seattle Seahawks.

First, the crafty – or should that be Kraft-y, after their owner Robert Kraft? – Pats, are apparently up to their old tricks, using deflated footballs in their blowout A.F. C. Championship win against the hapless Indianapolis Colts, who, let’s face it, don’t require cheating.

It was in 2007, that the Patriots – led by head coach Bill Belichick, alias the Emperor from “Star Wars,” it’s the hoodie – and quarterback Tom Brady, aka Darth Vader, were caught spying on, yes, the hapless New York Jets in an incident that has become known as Spygate. Nothing like stacking the deck. So they’re always suspect.

But wait, the NFL – which is so anal-retentive that it cares about Colin Kaepernick wearing his outlaw Beats headset on the podium – allows each team to play with its own footballs? Everybody gets to play with his own toys in the sandbox?

Speaking of kindergarten, we’ve learned that Aaron Rodgers likes to overinflate his balls, so to speak...